Let's Pretend it's 1986

A few weekends ago we had the surprise opportunity to go to a Poison concert. Brandon was helping some people move out of an apartment when a random person offered him 20 tickets to a Poison concert. How could he refuse? He took seven of them and we tried to find other people to come but everyone was a big fat party pooper and so we went alone.

It was awesome.

Brandon was so excited that he wanted to wear his black pleather pants. I initially said no but then was like "Sure, go for it." Because really, when else is it totally appropriate to wear black pleather pants? Unless it is Halloween, the answer is never. He eventually decided against them, based on the grounds that he didn't have the right shoes. I give him credit for a least wanting to dress up. He would have made a fine groupie if I do say so myself. I'll get him the shoes for Christmas, I promise.

I'll admit that when we first showed up at the venue, I was a little freaked. There were sooo many people that looked like this

I had no idea that an entire outdoor amphitheater of people still liked to live the dream of an 80s hair butt-rock band. Apparently, I was just grossly out of touch.

I'll also admit that when the first band got on stage, I had this moment of: "There's no way I'm going to make it all night. This is quite possibly the worst music I've ever heard, and this includes my brother's 7th grade band concerts." The band's name was Dokken and this is what they looked like:

When they started to play, I visibly winced and then realized I could get beat up for being such a hater and then discreetly plugged my ears by making it seem like I was just cold. It only helped a little bit because in case you don't remember, music at concerts is real real loud. In between songs, Dokken described themselves of as being a little more heavy metal than Poison and kept screaming into the microphone, "LET'S PRETEND IT'S 1986!!" They then screamed several strings of expletives and burst into the most spine-numbing guitar riffs you've ever heard. I was like, "Um, I'm not going to pretend that it is 1986 because that was 22 years ago and I was six years old. And can you just stop that thing you're doing with the guitar because that's just plain terrible."

Eventually Dokken finished their set and Poison took the stage. Of course there was a good thirty minutes between bands where I did plenty of people-watching. This was another thing I had to do discreetly. I also said a little prayer that the people in front of us wouldn't get into an all-out brawl and break beer bottles over each other's heads while knocking me over. Luckily the prayer was heard and one of the guys stomped his way out of the crowd so that everyone could go back to smoking their cigarettes and groping their partners.

I have to admit another thing. I only know two Poison songs--Every Rose Has its Thorns and Talk Dirty to Me. And unfortunately, I was only recently introduced to the second song by a Scrubs episode. But luckily my lack of knowledge didn't get in the way of me having a great time. They were fun and definitely had way more appeal than Dokken, largely because of the killer dance moves and pyrotechnics. I did a little head banging, shook some tooshie, and even wished I had some authentic memories of the good ol' days back in 1986.

In case you are ignorant like I once was, I present to you Poison, Talk Dirty to Me (the song sounds way more inappropriate than it really is, I promise. No bad or dirty words). Please enjoy the purple leather jackets, green guitars, crazy hair, and wish you were there with us.